I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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