Just fell off a train. Bad.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
