You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
