The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
