six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
