return my video game
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just threw up on my dentist
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
