Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
