Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
whose parrot is this?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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