i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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