i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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