did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
