when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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