I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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