But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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