I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
