WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Randomize
