he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Church boner. Awkwardddd
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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