Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
