so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
