the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
