her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
