my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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