i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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