Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
