Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
