his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
