if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
