She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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