i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I wish there were birth control emojis
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
