just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
