You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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