shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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