I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
