i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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