Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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