no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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