i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
