..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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