I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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