so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
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