I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
