The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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