my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
