I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
