I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
