Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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