I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
