First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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