I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
