the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I checked into jail on foursquare
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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