Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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