At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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