Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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