I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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