She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Operation Purity has been aborted
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
