He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
