your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
