farters have to be the big spoon...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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