im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize