Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
