it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
