If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
