i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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