hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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