I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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