somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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