even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
