is your mom at the bar?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
